Full Disclosure, p.1

{strong language; sexual situations; sexual language; violence}

Full Disclosure

Chapter 1.


Smoke is so thick I can’t breathe. I cough as I lay on the floor of my tiny little shower stall with its wrap-around curtain. The chilly water is running over my bleeding chest underneath the clinging white T-shirt. The water is my last hope, my make-shift sprinkler system. I turned my head and the fire is streaming through the top of my bedroom door like a blast furnace. The water stings my bloody chest and I grimace. I had tried to force myself out my little window above my bunk but my big boobs, ones that I was so proud of, wouldn’t squeeze through and I cut them deep trying. I cough again. Then the water spray slows to a drip and it stops. The smoke is too thick to breathe and suddenly the air is too hot to breath it.

“Come to me!” a voice calls out. I can’t move. I managed to roll my head to the side and what I saw was pure horror. Billy reaches to me and his back is on fire.

I awoke and sat straight up. I grabbed my chest. My T-shirt was dry and soft. I pulled the neck down and looked at the scars on my boobs where the doctor had sewn me up, then around at the dimly lit room. It was the fire dream again.

It is not so long ago, but the psy…shit, I can’t spell it but the counselor guy that I see says that I should try to tell my story to somebody and that maybe if I do, the dreams will go away. He said that I should write it down, so that is what I’m doing. I need to start from the beginning or none of it will make any sense. Everyone who reads it will get confused, God knows I am.

Mother and I were at the county barn at the fairgrounds outside our small town in southern Indiana in 1983, a few years back. We came out here every couple of months because this was where the churches bring donation clothes. We were on what Mother called ‘relief’ and state aid. I didn’t know what ‘relief’ was, but I knew that it meant poverty. People don’t know what ‘poor’ is these days. We lived on just a hundred dollars a month after rent.

There were long lines of tables in the huge pavilion. People were up and down the lines of tables under the bright fluorescent lights tossing through piles of clothes. Mother stood up from

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