“This is the cafeteria line. Come to the door, I’ll show you.” He leaned back and pointed. I leaned in and saw the line down the wall to the serving line.
“It looks like I’m late. I hope there’s some left,” I said. He laughed. “Was that dumb?”
“No, it was funny,” he said.
“I’m Billy,” he said and held out his right hand.
“Ronni,” I said and shook his hand. His hand was big and strong and I know my eyes rolled back in my head.
“With an ‘i’?” he asked.
I looked up into his deep blue eyes and smiled. God! He was handsome! “Yes,” I said. I know my face was red.
There was another boy there, tall with light brown curly hair. He held out his hand, but in a girly way, soft and limp. “Ronni is a unisex name. I’m Daniel. I am pleased to meet you Ronni.” I shook his hand. He was very feminine for a boy. I suspected he was gay.
“I am pleased to meet you, too, Daniel.” I was glad to meet a gay boy. I knew that I would, eventually, and I did not know how I would react. But surprisingly, I had no real attraction to him. He wasn’t my type, I suppose. I sure am learning a lot.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge people by how horny they make me. I’m just testing the waters, taking this new body for a spin. I want to get to know some new people and make some friends. At my old school, I did not have any friends. I was the “fucking queer” that was shunned and mocked.
“The line’s moving. We need to move up,” Billy said. He let me get in front of him with a small nod of his head. I liked that. He was gentlemanly without overplaying it. We moved down the line. He was close behind me and he had no idea what he was doing to me. I wanted to lean back into him, breathe him in. A feeling of apprehension came over me telling me to be careful.
I finally got into the main dining area and it was massive! The noise of a thousand kids talking, plates tossing in the kitchen, trash cans filling, all of it was loud! I wanted to cover my ears. We got to the trays and the silverware and Billy showed me what was what, and I moved through the line easily with his help. At the end, I took out my green meal card. Everyone else had yellow cards. Mine was for free meals.
Billy leaned close to my ear and said, “I wish I got mine for free.” He saw I was embarrassed. “Follow me,” he said. I nodded. We went to the far end of the dining area passing all sorts of kids, blacks, whites, Asians, Latinas. More weird-o’s occupied the table where he chose to sit. More apprehension bubbled up again and I tried to figure why I was so uneasy. Then something came together in my thoughts. Be careful who you tell!
That was it. I cannot afford to let it out. That would ruin everything. But what about Billy? If we hit it off, when do I tell him? At some point, there must be full disclosure. That was the rest of it! It was the other side of the coin. The issue of who to tell and when, was causing all that apprehension, and for good reason. The time and place to disclose to Billy was way in the future, privately, and with solemn vows. I must see if I can trust him first. But how far down the romance hole do I go before I reveal this big surprise in my panties?
“Are you going to stand there daydreaming, or are you going to sit?” Daniel asked impatiently. Well, I just learned one thing about Daniel. He has a temper.
“Sit here next to me,” Billy said. I complied. I scooted my chair up to the table and smiled up at him. He reached the salt shaker and salted his cob of corn. “I’m fifteen and I’m in the ninth grade,” he said. “I did the fifth grade twice. It’s a long story. My father took off to California and Mom got a divorce. I went through a rough patch.”