Full Disclosure, p.15

“All I’m suggesting, Ronni, is that people have strong feelings about these sorts of things and there are many out there who may hate you for choosing to become a girl when that doesn’t match what they see. You would be an oddity.”

“Would you hate me if I stay a girl?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t hate you. I want you to be happy. You are going through puberty as a woman. If it is natural and fitting in your heart to be a woman, then be a woman!” he said tapping himself on his chest and smiled. I stood and went to him and hugged him.

“It is, and thank you,” I said.

“Getting back to ambiguity,” he said talking close to me. “Sexual ambiguity means that sometimes we see someone on the street and it is difficult to discern whether they are a man or a woman, and it is more common than you think. I am also diagnosing you as sexually ambiguous, temporarily. Let’s see where puberty takes you.”

“Mama! I’ve had that all my life! People always asked Mother or me if I was a boy or a girl!”

“I had to ask the social worker. They couldn’t tell either. They had to look at your paperwork.” Mama said smiling at me.

The doctor nodded, “It fits my diagnosis,” he said. “The last thing I mentioned, androgyny, is pretty much the same thing as sexual ambiguity. Read the material I gave you and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call me.”

On the bus, back to the house, I asked Mama if there were any churches in the area that gave away clothes.

“What do you have in your head, girl?”

I smiled, “Girl,” I said. “It fits, doesn’t it! I want to get some girl clothes for school.”

“That’s not going to work, remember lions and tigers?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Everything in your records say you’re a boy. If you walk into that school in a skirt, you’ll get eaten alive. You need to stick to boy’s clothes until people get used to you,” she said.

“What if I wear jeans and shirts like boys do, only I wear girl’s jeans and girl’s shirts?”

“That might work, and I say might with a capitol M! I need to look at you in those clothes before you go to school. And to answer your question, there is a Catholic charity house close to us. Today’s Friday, it’s open Sunday afternoon, and you start back to school Monday. I can take you over there on the bus if you want. I’m not letting you go out alone for a while. Some of the men on this side of town are the biggest lions you ever saw! They’ll go after you, then ask how old you are afterwards, if at all.”

Sunday came around. The church giveaway had some white, short sleeve and long sleeve uniform shirts and I got a couple of those. It’s a Catholic Church, of course they would have uniforms. First, I found two more bras that fit, and some panties. Mama rolled her eyes when I threw them in the sack. Then I found another pair of jeans. They had a couple of cute tank tops that I could wear under the uniform shirts so I got a couple of those. There was a baseball top that fit, I got that. They had a gray, lightweight zip-up hoodie that I just fell in love with! I found a plaid “boyfriend” shirt that was too big but I tried it on and it fit okay in the shoulders and I could roll up the sleeves, so I got that. I got a denim button-down shirt, and a plaid button-down shirt, both very boyish, and I finished! I had never had such nice clothes!

We left for the bus stop and Mama said, “I wish the rest of them was as easy to please as you!”

 

5.

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The blasé, twisted. The ennui wound around in a new way. Normality goes all twisty as lifelong friends find themselves catching feelings for one another. Don’t yawn too hard, there is a twist in the end that will catch you by surprise. This was my submission to a writing contest. I did not win, as usual, but I wrote the best story I could at the time and under the circumstances. There was a 1500 word limit, so I had to say everything quickly.

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