Full Disclosure, p.14

“No, as far as the tests show the tissues are all healthy. Your ovary is located where an ovary would normally be in a girl. There is something else, though. I examined your genitals, Ronni, and I saw that both your penis and your testicles are underdeveloped. You have what we refer to as a micropenis and shriveled testicles, and, I suspect that your testes are not producing much testosterone. Contrarily, the large healthy ovary is producing enough estrogen to overpower the small amount of testosterone output. Your genitals developed that way because of the lack of testosterone. We drew blood and urine to check your hormone levels. I am certain this is the reason your body has developed as female. Your female development kicked into high gear when you began puberty. And, I have a diagnosis for you.”

“What is it,” I asked.

“You have an ‘hermaphroditic’ condition, meaning your body carries organs of both sexes. At this point, you could decide to live as whichever sex you wish, whichever gender would be the most comfortable for you. It appears your hormones have you leaning toward female. From all indications, your mannerisms, your body shape, I’d say that you are more comfortable as female. But, I suggest getting counseling to help you with that decision. If you want to live as a boy, as your external genitalia suggests you are, there are hormone therapies to reduce your breasts and deepen your voice, grow body hair, make your genitals more manly, etcetera. But the decision is yours. There is more in play here than your feelings. There is your situation at home, your foster parents, your foster siblings, school, and how you see yourself…”

“GIRL! I’m a girl! God, I have never said that out loud, but I have said it in my head a thousand times! Mama! Can I live as a girl?”

“You can’t live in a room with the girls, Ronni. You have a penis, God, this is a difficult subject!” Mama said frowning.

“Can I speak freely Mama?”

“Yes, Ronni. What you say will not leave here.”

“I can’t live with a boy, either. I’m a girl. You’ve got me in a small room with Bart. His body excites me!” I saw that Mama and the doctor were shocked. I went on. “He changes clothes in front of me and his body excites me! I get horny!”

The room was deathly silent and they stared at me. I smiled and said, “I used to think I was a queer and a freak. But now I know that I’m a girl! Everything fits now! I’ve never felt more comfortable with myself. Can you understand how happy this makes me?” I asked. I was smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

“I want to leave you with some information, some pamphlets on what hermaphrodite, androgyny, and sexual ambiguity is, how it happens. There is some good news, though. If you decide to stay as you are, you will never have to shave your face or your legs. You will never grow pubic hair or armpit hair, so you won’t have to shave there, either. Your eyes are blue now, but they may get lighter in color. On the down side, we can’t get a sperm count until you are a couple years older, but if my diagnosis holds true, which I am sure that it will, you will be sterile and you will never have children naturally, if that would ever be your desire,” he said.

“You talk like I’m a boy, with the hormone therapy and sperm count. Why do you do that?” I asked.

“Because in certain situations, like in high school showers, men will see you as a man. What I, and others see, are male sex organs. Do you want to spend the rest of your life explaining why you, a girl, have a penis?”

“You talk like I should choose to be a boy and go through that treatment and surgery so everybody else would be comfortable.”

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The Banal, Entangled (updated)

The blasé, twisted. The ennui wound around in a new way. Normality goes all twisty as lifelong friends find themselves catching feelings for one another. Don’t yawn too hard, there is a twist in the end that will catch you by surprise. This was my submission to a writing contest. I did not win, as usual, but I wrote the best story I could at the time and under the circumstances. There was a 1500 word limit, so I had to say everything quickly.

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