Daily Archives: June 1, 2009

A Satirical Look | BREAKING: Bodies found in China.

Chinese police

Beijing, Monday, June 1: Today Chinese officials discovered a gruesome scene at the city’s main rail yard. Guards with dogs were making routine rounds through stacks of shipping containers of the sea-land class vans and looking for possible escapees from N. Korea, and other undesirables, when the dogs “hit’ on one particular container.

Upon opening the container, the guards discovered the bodies of what appeared to be twenty-three foreigners, all Caucasian, with two still alive a total of twenty-five in all. Perhaps the most surprising discovery came when the authorities questioned one of the survivors, barely able to speak from hunger and dehydration.

I turns out that they all came from the United States.

“We were so desperate,” the unidentified man reportedly said, “we were all in the bar one night and we decided to do this.” The interview continued while paramedics tending to the man. “We couldn’t find jobs,” he related to them, “our health insurance ran out and we had sick kids and our jobs had been shipped to China.”

Just before the authorities took the two men away for further medical treatment it is reported by the Chinese news agency that the man told them they came to China to find their old jobs.

Now the grisly business of removing the remains begins. The cause of death is believed to be dehydration. Once the remains are identified, the next of kin will have the daunting and sad task of shipping the bodies back to the United States.